So just now I had to take several packages down to my friendly local FedEx drop box. The lovely world of the morning had slowly subsided into a frown, but no rain was in evidence as I plodded down the sidewalk. Imagine my surprise, then, when a large wet drop thumped into my cheek and ricocheted PLOP onto my shirt. There were no other drops, and so it was with a prophetic soul that I drew my shirt away from my collarbone to inspect it. Indeed, the god-benighted pigeons, whose filth bespatters the weary world, had fouled me with their excrement.
How I wished I had the mighty powers we touch in dreams and fantasies, that the Portland Police might have responded trepidatiously to a report that a madwoman was shooting every pigeon in Southwest with a glowing golden bow. I wanted to scream, and rail in tongues, and pelt the foul fowls with packages and business proposals bound for Eastern parts. However, I am not imbued with powers far beyond those of mortal ken, and am, I admit, concerned in some small way with not being arrested or suspected of violent lunatism. So I merely scowled, scrubbed my face with a coupon for Starbucks ice cream, and stumped off to the FedEx box.
Matthew, please make poultry tonight.
Comments
Eww
If you feel like retribution, I know where there are lots and lots and lots of caged birds that you could throw poop at…
Re: Eww
Oh, what a splendid idea. Excelleeeent…
Always thinking with my stomach...
That really sucks. I am sorry. On the bright side, though, your chances of it happening again in the near future are now lower. Also, the way you wrote it was kind of funny. :)
So is the Starbucks ice cream coupon still usable?
Re: Always thinking with my stomach...
Well, I figure as long as I worry about it, it won’t happen - Murphy’s Law and all. I do try to make my misery amusing - it both makes me feel better and makes my whining more socially acceptable :p
I think I threw the coupon away, but they’re prob’ly still giving them out at the local SB…
Re: Always thinking with my stomach...
Getting hit by bird poo is does not affect your chances of having it happen again soon. Probability doesn’t have memory like that.
Unless, of course, such events are a carefully managed conspiracy of the avian race.
Re: Always thinking with my stomach...
But MY argument is based on MURPHY’S law, not probability. So there.
Probably birds work for my bitchy co-worker. Although I found out she has more to be bitchy about than the average small woman due to give birth to twins in 3 weeks. Not that she’d tell me, no, I just get it second-hand as an apology for her behavior. I’m sorry, but if you are too stressed to function as a normal civil human being, stay home.