I was quite excited to see this movie after the rip-roaring trailer full of action, pirates, humor, pirates, pretty clothes, pirates, swordfights, pirates, good music, pirates, and corset jokes. And zombie pirates. Deep in my heart there is much swash that needs to be buckled, and this movie promised to buckle all the swash in the world, let alone in my wee girlish heart. I included it in my girlish-and-relaxing bachelorette party plans for the Bride, and we all enjoyed it a great deal. Certain Orlando Bloom fangirls had a drool problem, but we didn’t drown. We came out of the movie and one of my merry crew, sitting down in the driver’s seat of her car, said, “There is no way I can keep from speeding now.”

This movie delivered on its promises and more. Action? Apart from a little well-done suspense at the beginning, the whole thing is action—and it’s varied, funny, colorful, and exciting, never boring and repetitive. It’s 2 hours and 23 minutes long, and it feels like one long held breath. As I overheard after seeing it the first time, “I want to go watch it again! I’m so sorry it’s over!!!” The sea battles were wonderful, and the swordfights…. Occasionally on the RPGnet forums we’ve discussed “interesting places to duel”, or “how to spice up a fight.” Skip those discussions, go to this movie. They are never content to have a simple, formulaic sword fight, or to have the fight stay the same for more than a minute. It’s a delight.

Humor? There was almost as much of that as of action. Between Johnny Depp’s is-he-mad-or-brilliant Captain Jack Sparrow, the bumbling cabin boys of the evil pirates, the squabbling British Marines, and the pirates of the (Pirates of the Caribbean ride) port Tortuga, I hurt my ribs laughing. Let me mention again—Captain Jack Sparrow. In case you missed that. There is a reason his is the biggest face on the [http://www.faerye.net/img/articles/pirateposter.jpg|image|poster]. He has more style than Zaphod Beeblebrox, more zippy one-liners than Bond, more nerve than the Scarlet Pimpernel, and more gold teeth than you. I did not know there was that much swash in the world, but there must have been, because it’s buckled now. And he made me laugh while he did it.

The undead-pirate effect was really well done, used a great deal but not gratuitously, and it enabled me for the first time in my life to link two of my favorite things—swashbuckling swordfights, and beating on the undead. It was so beautiful…like a crystal tear….sniff

I probably needn’t go on about how the promises of pirates, rousing music, pretty clothes, pirates, and corset jokes (they’re funny cuz they’re TRUE!) were amply fulfilled. But there were a few things I wasn’t expecting. Compelling characters (other than Captain Jack, who had me hooked from the trailer) - Orlando Bloom’s character, Will Turner, was not at all two-dimensional, despite all his earnest gush, and actually changed and grew over the course of the movie. Keira Knightley’s character, Elizabeth Swann, was more delightfully spunky, resourceful, and insolently brave than any movie heroine since Evie Carnahan in “The Mummy” (and even prettier). Not to mention the fact that all the minor characters were spot-on, and getting a really superb actor like Geoffrey Rush to play Captain Barbossa raised him far above the Captain Hook stereotype - while still being, well, an evil pirate captain. Arrr.

The other unexpected thing was the plot. It hung together beautifully, and curvetted and twined interestingly without becoming too labyrinthine to follow. Everything was well-motivated, the mystery went on long enough to be mysterious but not long enough to be annoying. It was really well-written, which was, I admit, a surprise.

I have now seen this movie twice. I will probably see it a third time in the near future. Amazon will e-mail me when it is available on DVD. I loved this movie. It made me happy, from the first shot of a proper young British lass singing a pirate song into the sea-mist, to the closing credits. Without a doubt, my favorite movie this year. It will go on the shelf next to “Princess Bride”. 10 out of 10, with two thumbs up, a happy pirate dance, a yo-ho-ho, and a bottle of rum.