So today I microwaved my lunch, and headed down to my car. I only drive to work 2 days out of 5. I was planning to grab my Buffy Roleplaying Game: Monster Smackdown book from the car, and eat a leisurely lunch under a tree in the park, devising mayhem for tonight’s Buffy game.
As I turned the key in the lock, I noticed sparkling crystals across the back seat. “What did I spill this time?” I wondered. Someone had broken the rear fixed window (the triangular “vent” one). I was perplexed. They had not, apparently, searched the car, as my CD player (telegraphed to the world by a trailing CD-cassette converter) was still there. My bookbag was undisturbed. I sighed, and started towards the park, notifying my husband, my State Farm Agent, and the State Farm Glass Repair organizers.
So I’m sitting under the tree in the park, mildly annoyed, but remaining tranquil. Then, as I speak with the glass people, something small and relatively hard hits my head. It of course strikes me that this must be a bug, and that in its dazed state its most probable trajectory is directly down my dress. I keep myself from eeking at the insurance people, and start scrabbling at the back of my dress in an investigative fashion. I find something. It is definitely neither dress nor underpinning. Whether it is squirming is difficult to determine through the fabric. So I immobilize this object with my fingers, holding my celphone up with my other arm, and continue to arrange for auto-glass repair. Minutes stretch on, and people pass by, and I ponder the oddness of the picture I must present, and the ache in my arm. Another insect lands on my arm, and in my startlement, I let go of the first one. I then proceed to jump around fanning my skirts and wiggling the back of my dress. Insect or seed pod? The world may never know, for the secret did not disclose itself. However, the bug dance was sufficient for the amusement of several small children otherwise interested in squirrels, so perhaps the world is a better place.
Since then, I’ve realized, however, that there is something missing from my car—I accidentally got the wrong shave stuff for Matt the other day at Nordstrom (I like him to smell good, so I buy him expensive shave stuff). I had undertaken to exchange this stuff. So there was a small Nordstrom bag on the seat in the back of my car, and now it isn’t there. So some krill-brain broke into my car for a $14.50 bottle of Clinique for Men Post-Shave Healer. And I am filled with wrath.
Between the wrath and the lack of preparation, things do not look good for my gaming group.
Comments
Ack
Um. Wow. That sucks. A lot.
Here’s the plan: next time you drive the car to work, you leave another bottle of aftershave on the back seat. Unbeknownst to the aftershave bandit, you will have secretly replaced the aftershave in this bottle with dyed sulphuric acid. Aforementioned bandit breaks window, swipes bottle, splashes H2SO4 on face, and your aftershave bandit problems go away forever.
Re: Ack
Well, at least State Farm is cool about it. Apparently our deductable for this sort of thing is $0, and they’re going to send someone to repair our glass while it’s parked at my office. Now I just hope our premiums don’t go up.
Re: Ack
In my experience, State Farm has shown itself to be just about the coolest insurance company on earth, especially when it comes to car stuff.
Re: Ack
I asked State Farm to insure me once. They looked at my DMV record, then called me back and said, “Um, no.”
Update
I guess my book-bag was disturbed—it looks like my makeup went the way of the post-shave healer. That’s a minimum of $120 of makeup, probably more. Wrath. Slight shame at own vanity, but mostly wrath.
Re: Update
Erm. that toadally sucks. but on the bright side, it facilitates future shopping. and it’s good to have a shopping justification.
thingy!
today is my first day at faerye.net. AND I COULDN’T BE MORE PLEASED!! The material from your student surveys is FRIGGIN HIFRIGGINLARIOUS!! I was in stitches—STITCHES I tell you!
they didn’t take the cd wallet full of cd’s that was on your back seat when i visited two weeks ago, did they? look at it this way: someone who buys oddments from drug addicts now smells really, really good. and: they broke a relatively cheap window. right?
back to my previous topic: the people who comment on this website (excluding self) are witty and funtacular!
Re: thingy!
Welcome, sisser! Glad to have you stuck in my net.
No, my CDs were up in the office for me, so that Mozart could improve my survey-entering schpeed (he does).
And the insurance people cannot replace my makeup, because our deductible on personal property is too high. So I am Sad, and will probably be Ugly.
Assuming it’s not somewhere at home. wistful
Re: thingy!
Tchyeawright, AS IF you could ever be ugly, even if you had two black eyes, a hangover, a head cold, and a sackcloth on! You’re only totally friggin GORGEOUS!!
Re: Ack
I was with state farm until a month ago. Locally the agents were REALLY nice, but on a corporate level…um…they cancelled me for a legal misunderstanding not related to them from well over a year ago. Really odd. More confusing than maddening. Now I’ve had my insurance cancelled and it was for driving SOMEONE ELSE’S car. How weird is that?
Re: Update
New update: if I’ve remembered everything that was in the makeup bag, we’re looking at exactly $230, with Matt’s aftershave. That may sound like a lot of makeup, but, well, it’s an average of $15 an item, and I’ve been collecting ‘em since high school.