No, I shall not discuss creepy holiday people - nor shall I decry overmuch the general phenomenon of Holiday Creep - the Santa decorations before All Hallow’s, et cetera… rather I would like to explore one symptom.

I was at my fine grocer’s establishment last evening - Haggen, to be exact - and what should I see but row upon row of bundled Christmas trees, stretching away towards the Haggen deli doors. “FIRST CHRISTMAS TREES ARRIVE… Tuesday, November 25th”, a sign informed. And in my mind the question formed, “WHO BUYS A CHRISTMAS TREE BEFORE THANKSGIVING?”

Oh, do not retreat, fair reader, at the sight of all capitals. This is not a rant. Rather, I have decided to try to accept and embrace people’s desire to celebrate early, and I have thus resolved to think of reasons people might buy a Christmas tree before Thanksgiving.

1. The Company A retail store, for instance, eager to convince its customers that they should start spending for Christmas now, might buy a tree from a grocery store eager to convince its customers that they should start buying for Christmas.

2.The Lonesome Someone who has no one with whom to spend Thanksgiving might decide to put up a Christmas tree to pretend Thanksgiving has already come and gone. Likewise, he will start stocking up on champagne and party hats right before Christmas, and start shopping for perfume for the special someone he does not have before January has even arrived.

3. The Pretentious The lady of the house, determined that her relatives from St. Paul who only come for Thanksgiving, shall see the imported icicles, the blown-glass Mt. St. Helens ornaments, the one-of-a-kind folk-art star handmade in the Pearl district, and the antique glass balls adorned with all the care of Fabergé, purchases a tree on Tuesday, trims it with care and child labor, and positions it so that all those giving thanks must also pay homage.

4.The Junkie Oh, how he has waited for this time of year! He plagued the Haggen garden staff, called every grocer’s in town, wrote letters to the management of every store under 16 different names! And at last, they are here! He buys three, one for every room in his apartment, and a small one for the bathroom. He takes them home and carefully puts them in water—just the right temperature, with the little nutrient package. He lies down on the shag rug in the living room, rolls under the fragrant boughs, and sniffs…. He was arrested once for indecent exposure and trespassing at a Christmas tree farm. He considers it a badge of honour.

Happy Thanksgiving.