So on Saturday I rose late, and as I surveyed the swampy parkland in regal satisfaction, something caught my eye on the sweeping spiral stairs which ascend to our front door. It was pine cones - though the pine tree is far from those steps. And no pine cones ever fell in so regular an arrangement! No, at last my eyes made sense of what lay before me - the sinister message, ‘I ♥ U’. I blinked, and withdrew from the picture window.

My husband did not make this shape - we chose to think for the moment that some Friendlandian well-wisher had happened by while we were out…at Friendland…the night before - well, well, illogic aside, very good, very good. After all, why would anyone around here stalk either of us? All I did the day before in the park was write in my journal! Just darkly cynical sci fi, that’s all!

I avoided calling Friendland to inquire. I was just slightly uncomfortable about the whole thing, and wished to maintain the irrational illusion of Friendlandian influence for as long as possible. It was only later, when I was nonchalantly sweeping the front steps to dispose of the message, that the truth came home to me.

I knew who had left this message. The same person who posts comments to my website, has pictures of me, calls me incessantly, attended my wedding and college graduation, knows where I live, has taken pictures of me sleeping... has been following me for twenty-three years!

Even in pinecones, you have tidy writing, sister sledge.