It’s not easy being addicted to T-shirts. You wake up in the morning and wish you could get away with wearing a Republicans for Voldemort shirt to work, or wonder what your coworkers’ reaction would be if you sported a picture of Darth Topiary.

But worst, worst of all is the desire for shirts that do not exist. Long have I longed to declare my loyalty to Oceania with one of these:

And just yesterday I imagined for the first time a shirt that would read ‘Saucy English Major (read my subtext)’:

But, you may ask, from whence do these pictures spring, if these shirts do not exist? Excellent question, gentle reader. Long had I also wished for a truly easy custom T-shirt website, that would provide more options than 10 characters in block print across a T-shirt, or uploading graphics to put on plain, boring shirts. Yesterday, wonko found it. It’s called Spreadshirt and it’s more fun than the law allows. Not only can you create your own shirts with varying fonts, colors and placements, but you can use graphics they provide, or upload your own. In addition, you can set up a shop to sell your designs — and you can easily price each shirt below the price a person would pay to recreate it for themselves, so everyone wins.

So here’s where the Faerye sells out: go buy my shirts at Pretentious T-Shirts, my little Spreadshirt store. Fun and games for boys and girls (except saucy English Major boys. Haven’t decided on a look for that, if it’s even [EMeta, you’re the perfect test case. Is there demand?|text|in demand].)

I will doubtless design more ambitious shirts as time goes on and Illustrator’s technological distinctiveness is assimilated into my own. I’ll keep you posted on the progress of my capitalist running dogism. If you like my shirts, you can even help this ol’ dog run.