Guess whose little brother was camping out at the number 12 spot in that line? He apparently stumbled in early this morning, although I haven’t talked to him yet so I don’t know if he got his donuts and his “I was the 12th sucker in line” jersey.

Standing in line for donuts violates the entire donut ethos. Donuts are all about laziness. Standing in line is hard work. Doing hard work in order to get donuts is stupid, especially when there’s another, much easier way to get the exact same delicious donuts without doing nearly as much work.

Ooh, ooh! Is he gonna be at movie night this week? Cuz if so, I want to point and laugh.

According to this article, Cornell is going to be closed for at least a week. Jebus.

The United States of America is fat and getting fatter. There is a slide show from the CDC that tells a frightening story about how much fatter we as a nation have gotten since 1985. In Oregon, 20.7% of the population was obese in 2001 (not just overweight, obese), up from 11.2% in 1991. That’s 10% more fat people in as many years.

Krispy Kreme seems (for some reason) to inspire addictive behavior in the consumers of its doughnuts. Search the net for Krispy Kreme and you’ll find words extoling the fine taste of its products. Browse through the Krispy Kreme Nutrition Information and you’ll find that their doughnuts range from 200 Calories and 12g of Fat all the way up to 390 Calories and 21g of Fat.

The large amounts of sugar present in all of these doughnuts is rapidly absorbed into the bloodstream, causing a strong insulin response. This in turn depletes the bloodstream of glucose, causing an adrenal response making one irratible and hungry a few hours after consumption. Thus, you want another doughnut. This is not limited to doughnuts of course, but a problem with all refined sugars.

However, doughnuts are particularly high in fats as well (as much as 32% of the RDA of fat). Because of the presence of the sugars, the fats are stored rather than metabolized. Thus, the frequent consumer of doughnuts becomes obese.

The last thing we need is a population with a doughnut habit, but that’s what we’re getting. I don’t really blame Krispy Kreme. By all accounts, they are successful because they sell a quality product that people want. They don’t hide the fact that they’re not healthy. Doughnuts are classic junk food. They are no more liable to their consumers than McDonald’s. Instead, I blame the sedentary American lifestyle.

We’re doomed to doughnuts.

Well, that was a very coherent argument. But I’d like to throw an opinion at it that differs once. The product Krispy Kreme produces tastes like 2-day-old Dunkin’ Donuts heated in a microwave.

Actually, I’d like to disagree slightly more and say that, while it is true that food can cause a reaction in the body inspiring consumption of more, like foods, a seemingly lost skill of too many people is self-control. Not in eating alone or even predominantly does this appear. More often than not, people cannot explain their actions and decisions. Worse, often when they can explain them, their explanations fail tests of logic, rationality, or emotional satisfaction.

Of course, that’s my viewpoint after spending a day and a half looking at my life and wondering when I lost my willpower.

Finally, completely off-topic, earlier postings have turned me into a bruno reader, and the following archived cartoon popped up and inspired me to think of wonko:
http://www.brunostrip.com/nov2596.html

Signing off, but still not making sense.

Cretins! Character assassins! DONUT WORSHIPPERS!

Okay, I’m calm now. But that is just soooooo messed up. They’re DONUTS, man!

I always wanted to know what character made those pies, because none of them looks half-mad and foot-sore, which you’d definitely be after making so many pies.

Yeah, but at least they’re paying $30k for the trouble. It’s something.

In other news, KKD is offering doughnut incentives to school children via their fundraising programs. Check out the School Programs tab in the previous link. Hook them while they’re young, I guess.

I am totally free, however, to blame them for closing Cornell.

Seriously, though, I think the sedentary American lifestyle all leads back to lazy parenting, to adults letting kids park it in front of the tube because it’s easier than interacting with them. So many of our culture’s ills come back to this: Parenting is hard. Many people are noodges. Noodges should not parent.

Both hungry and bathroom-bound, so I’m not going to say anything further or more coherent.

I’d heard that about their doughnuts. Let me reiterate for all of y’all in the area: if you want doughnuts, continue west on Cornell until you reach the Tanasbourne area. Turn right and park in front of the BIG GREEN HAGGEN STORE. Buy doughnuts. Be happy.

Yeah, I’m with you there. Lack of self control is more rampant than obesity in this culture. It is definately the root cause of most of our society’s health problems, as well as a number of non-health problems, I’d be willing to bet.

There’s not much that can be done to address this problem directly though, (that I can think of) at least externally. So instead we are left dealing with all the problems it results in individually.

As to how they taste, I’ve never had one, nor can I remember eating a Dunkin’ Donut in recent memory. Any doughnuts I eat are usually bought at the grocery store baker, and that rarely happens. My vice is pie, which my wife makes for me (yes, I am the luckiest man alive). I’ve been considering cutting back though. Mostly, I need to find something to fill that niche in my lunch.

As a FREE service to my friends, I’m offering a ONCE IN A LIFETIME opportunity to participate in a diet that will INCREASE your ENERGY and help you LOSE FAT FAST!!!!!!1

I call it the “give wonko your pie” diet. It’s really quite simple. You take your pie, walk over to my house, give me your pie, and walk back. I eat your pie for you, and you get some exercise in the process.

RESULTS GUARANTEED!!! If you don’t lose ten pounds in two weeks, I’ll eat DOUBLE the usual amount of pie until you do!

You crack me up, wonko. You really do.

But he’s not allowed to give away the pie. If he does not want the pie, I will not make the pie, and will be more productive in other areas. Such as Hallowe’en costumes, towards which I have made basically no progress.

Whenever I tell people at my office (including our good friend Eric) that they are crazy for worshipping Krispy Kreme as if it is the second coming and sitting in line for hours just to get sticky bread thingies, they look at me with bewildered faces and relegate me to haethen status in their minds.

“But,” I ask them, “what’s wrong with Haggen donuts?” In response, the crazy co-workers tell me, “Krispy Kremes are THE BEST EVER!!! No other donut can compare!!!”

Unconvinced, I submitted to a taste-test. And let me tell you: there is nothing particularly special about Krispy Kreme donuts. People are just crazy.

People are sheeple.

OPB radio announced the road closure on their traffic report this morning. They attributed it to “Police activity”.

Mocking left as an exercise to the reader.

Although the barricade has ended, there are still two squad cars, a “community van”, and any number of orange cones protecting those donuts. Cuz, you know, if I can drive past a Krispy Kreme without inconvenience, then the terrorists have already won?

I figure the Beaverton Police are bitter about this, though. I mean, sure it’s a nice duty while they are standing around there, but you know who has a precinct office closest to the Krispy Kreme? Hillsboro P.D., baby!