One of my dream jobs is to be a reader of audio books. I adore reading books aloud, doing the voices, the accents, the whole nine yards. I have been making audio books since around age 8 (I believe Ozma of Oz was my first oeuvre). The only stumbling block to my plans for glory reading books in funny voices to a rapt nation? Most of the companies want you to be an actor first (or even live in a nonexistent city).

Now, I understand the rationale here, but being a successful actor is a devastatingly difficult thing, requiring luck, persistence, luck, good looks, luck, good dramatic delivery, luck, connections, luck, luck, and good fortune. Reading an audio book well requires a mastery of voices and accents; a ready command of language and its nuances (the one area in which the readers are sometimes lacking); and good dramatic delivery. Note that only dramatic delivery is in common between the two; some actors have the voice/accent mastery, but certainly not all. The command of language is in many cases supplied by the director - not feasible in the reading of a 20 to 30-hour book.

In short, insisting that I be a professional actor to read an audio book is rather like insisting that I be a Navy SEAL in order to teach swimming classes - it may be a great asset, but it’s not really necessary and a hugely difficult first step.

Therefore, I am planning to wait until I am a famous novelist, and offer/insist on reading my books when they wish to make recorded versions. Yes, I know becoming a famous novelist is an equally difficult first step - but at least it’s one to which I’m already committed!