Murphy's Law of Pantyhose

Friday October 17, 2003 @ 10:45 AM (UTC)

I ask you, how did I get back into wearing nylons? I had sworn I would never subject myself to that torture again, but then I found some that were more comfy, and here I am again. In my nylons, on the day I have a big second interview, with a run of unknown origin racing from my upper thigh down to mid-calf. This ONLY happens when you need to make a good impression.

I guess I’ll leave extra-early and stop at Fred Meyer’s—maybe I’ll pick up some extras to throw in my office drawer, too. Curses!

Comments

It’s kind of amazing that we can put men in space, harness the power of individual atoms to create massive deadly explosions, and develop super cool unstainable nanopants that repel liquid, yet nobody has figured out how to make runless pantyhose.

Perhaps the truth is one of the following:

A) Women’s comfort is not the first concern of industry.
Ai) Industry thinks if women wanted to be comfortable and happy, they wouldn’t wear pantyhose.

B) Industry wants to sell lots of pantyhose, not one pair per woman per year.

I’m guessing B.

I believe we do have run-resistant panyhose though. They’re called fishnets. Just like rip-stop nylon tent fabric, the netting prevents the run from propigating.

Of course, they are not the fashion-eqivalent of regular nylons. They serve a different niche, but that is not the fault of the technology, now is it?

Of course, nylon is much less run-prone than the silk that it replaced. It’s many times stronger.

The suckage of nylon stockings cannot be overstated. I firmly maintain that outdated notions of femininity based on skirts and such would be dealt a great blow if all men (mind you this would take place for most at gunpoint) were forced to wear pantyhose for just one day. Nylons increase irritability and risk of yeast infection. My current job satisfaction is due in no small part to the fact that I will never, ever need to wear nylon stockings to work as long as I am employed here. That and I get to look above my monitor and see trees changing color out the tall windows to the left of my desk.

B it is baby! B it is. The MAN wants you to have runs in your pantyhose so you stop at Fred Meyer and buy more! The MAN especially wants you to shop at Fred Meyer because that store is run by The MAN aka Kroger Corporation of New York, who is currently sticking it to The PEOPLE aka grocery workers striking for health benefits.

But I digress.

I may be in a union soon. Will that make me a PEOPLE?

And I didn’t have time for Freddy’s, so I just TOOK THEM OFF and pretended I was wearing HIGH TECH INVISIBLE PANTYHOSE!

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