After confusing the voice-recognition system thoroughly enough, I got a vaguely Asian-accented human voice.

“Hello, thank you for calling Gap, could you state your name and home phone number for account verification?”

I did.

“Okay ma’am what can I help you with today?” (Imagine I’ve run all his words together with dashes. That’s what it sounded like, but it’s hard to read, so I’ve spared you.)

“Last month the statement didn’t get to me because the computer lost part of my address — they sent a copy of the statement. I’m filing right now and I noticed it says on the statement copy that 200 points were cashed in for a coupon. There’s no coupon with the statement copy, so it must have been in the incorrectly addressed statement.”

“Yes I show that a coupon was issued? And may I just say how terribly sorry I am that this happened? And what I can do from this end is I can credit your account for $10?”

“Fine, that sounds great.”

“Okay ma’am that will show up on next month’s statement? And with the $10 credit your total balance is $22.48? And may I help you with anything else today ma’am?”

“No, thank you.”

“Okay ma’am. Thank you for shopping Gap.”

“Good night.”

“Ma’am since you’ve been such a good Gap customer and paid your bills regularly we would like to send you another card for your family? May I just have your family member’s name ma’am?”

“No, it’s just me, sorry.”

“Okay ma’am. And may I help you with anything else today ma’am?”

“No, thank you.”

“Thank you for shopping Gap.”

“Thanks. Good night.”

“The $10 credit will appear on your next month’s statement?”

“Thanks. Goodnight.”

“May I help you with anything else today ma’am?”

“Er, no. Thanks. Good night.”

“Thank you for shopping Gap.”

“Thanks. GOOD NIGHT.”

“Thank you for shopping Gap. Buh-bye!”

“Er, bye.”

So I guess ‘bye’ was the magic word, not ‘good night’, and definitely not ‘thanks.’ I felt a little dizzy when I got off the phone.