Here are the things which have not worked properly this morning:

1. Super Whizbang Color Printer-Copier; decides my print job requires 10.51×7.24 paper, despite my having specified letter.
2. SWBCPC; decides to split one print job of 13 copies of a small document into 13 print jobs, each taking at least five minutes and requiring hand-removal from the sorter in order to not clog up the printer; and then printing each 13 about 67 times.
3. Windows Printer control panel; apparently I have sent no documents to SWBCPC, and no one else has either (clearly belied by the disgruntled employees stalking the copy room).
4. SWBCPC’s dedicated print-queue box; was probably involved in all of this monkey business, and enjoyed very much making me sit on the floor waiting to cancel the offending jobs and then leap up to clear the sorter.
5. Apologies, jokes, suggestions of using second-floor SWCPC; effect on disgruntled employees uncertain.
6. Second floor SWBCPC; thus sending streams of disgruntled second floor employees up here to try to get print jobs out of OUR SWBCPC.
7. My webmail; thus forcing me to use Gmail.
8. Power cycling the SWBCPC’s DPQB; it shouldn’t remember! BUT IT DOES! (Like Ripley 8 in Alien Resurrection, except instead of creepy superhuman antics, it prints billions of copies of my print job in varying sizes and staple-states. Happy Earth Day.)
9. One gal’s e-mail; thus freeing her to make black and white copies and giving me someone to chat with while I haunt the copy room destroying the evidence that the SWBCPC’s nervous breakdown is Somehow My Fault.
10. wonko’s spam filter; bounced one of my Gmail messages.
11. The online conference room booking system.
12. The separate conference room booking system the conference room booking hotline uses.
13. Last but not least, the SWBCPC AGAIN; despite the 2nd floor SWBCPC having shaped up, the 3rd floor SWBCPC and DPQB are sitting serenely and sweetly showing themselves ready to print, and yet not printing…except every half an hour or so when they spit out another copy of a randomly selected two pages of my 9:30 am print job.

I think I miss my typewriter.