This morning on the way to work, I saw a curious juxtaposition of bumper-stickers. One said “Bush Cheney 2004” and one said “John Kerry for President”. Bemused, I looked more closely at the non-standard Kerry bumper sticker, and saw that it said, after those words, “of France”.
I have had just about enough of all these idiots who have never been to France, never met a French person, and never taken a European History course acting like France is the cesspool of the Earth. France is the opposite of Freedom, apparently. The French are ‘surrender monkeys’. French cars have three turn signals, left, right, and ‘surrender’.
Guess what, America? Here are a few things to know about France. Without France, our entire country would not exist. That’s right, Washington may have cornered Cornwallis in Yorktown, but without the French fleet at his back, the Brit would have taken to the seas and given us the two-finger salute. The French won us our independence. The French also are responsible, through the messy, bloody tangle of the Revolution, for some of the boldest experiments in government ever made, let alone against the backdrop of the 18th century. Whatever the unhappy outcome of the French struggle for freedom and equality, it pretty much started the tide of modernity in Europe and affects that continent’s politics to this day. France, under Napoleon, much as I despise the little beggar, bestrode Europe like a colossus, and only the combined efforts of many frightened nations could bring her to heel.
All this history too ancient for you, America? Fine. Let’s talk about those World Wars, the ones that give rise to your lovely accusations of surrender monkeydom. Let’s have a little geography lesson. The bulk of both World Wars were fought on French soil. Mustard gas from the Great War still hangs in the hollows of some French countrysides. The French love of beauty and comfort has weathered hardships beyond the average American’s imagination. They’ve been bombed and occupied, oppressed and searched…if any one nation in the small circle of Western powers has the right to stand up against unnecessary war, it’s France. War has swept over France and left its mark indelible on her face. For that matter, France was dealing with terrorist problems while Dubya was still putting oil company executives on environmental boards in Texas.
So just leave off ragging on France, America. A nation where 65% of 18- to 24-year-olds cannot find France on a map has no right to demonize that country. Whatever its failings, its rich history and high ideals entitle it to some measure of respect. Vive la France!
Comments
Yay France
How can you have a discussion about the greatness of France without mentioning the greatest breakfast food ever invented? French Toast!
Re: Yay France
blink Wonko, wonko. If I digressed into food (I dunno if French Toast is ACTUALLY French, by the by) we would have been here all day. And I’d have lost my sharp ranty focus in a haze of butter and brioche.
John Kerry and France
I don’t think that the bumper sticker chose France because it is the “cesspool of the Earth”, but rather because John Kerry, apparently, has connections to France. I’d heard something about him being part French, and a google search turns up lots of results. According to this article, he’s not part French himself, but has connections.
Re: John Kerry and France
blink Good info, meepster. Lovely spin on the facts from the Christian Broadcasting Network though. :)
I’m afraid I still assume, however, that they meant French in the new meaning of ‘decadent soft-on-terror surrender monkey’. I’ve heard far too many right-wingers go on and on about France being our biggest obstacle to an effective War on Terror, “maybe we should invade France next, they wouldn’t put up a fight”, “You Democrats would turn our foreign policy decisions over to Chirac,” blah blah blah, to imagine such a nuanced meaning was meant. Certainly there wouldn’t be many people out there who would know your French Kerry factoid. You are unusually well-informed, my friend.
Re: John Kerry and France
Well, I do read the CBN every day!
(Well, really it was just near the top of the results on Google and illustrated my point.)
I like what Eddie Izzard says about the French: “I like the French, but they can be kind of French”. Personally, though, the few French people I have met have been very nice people, and, as far as I know, have never bombed any major cities.
Re: John Kerry and France
Well, yes, I won’t argue that France is the jolliest place in the world. For one thing, there’s a reason it was a FRENCH woman who said, “There are two kinds of people in the world: human beings and women.” In France, you really do feel that difference in the way you are treated, every single day. There are other things off about France, too, but as an angry little post-feminist thinker, that’s pretty damn annoying!
You made my Thursday!
Fel! OMG! This is the bestest! I’m excited to explore more. Anyhow, hugs for you. I sent you a snail mail today so I won’t bore you here. (Well, at least don’t tell me if I do…) Oh, and I took that Nat’l Geog survey, but it didn’t tell me how well I did! I wouldn’t be a proper grad student if I didn’t expect someone else to keep track of stuff for me, now would I? :-) The funny part (well, sad, I suppose) is that when I clicked the submit button I didn’t pay attention to what I had answered on the previous page. Can you say burnout???
Re: You made my Thursday!
HEE HEE HEE! Hello Bon-bon! Hugs back, and I’m dreadfully sorry you are such a burnt-out grad student! Hope I can distract - I mean, AMUSE - you for a while with my stuff and nonsense. Welcome!
Nice!
Hello,
I actually wound up here following your link from an RPG.Net post – but I wanted to tell you that this little rant (in a good way) is one of the best things I’ve read in months :D Thanks for posting it!
Re: Nice!
Hee! Thanks for dropping by. And maybe you should be thanking the Republican in the bumper-stickered Yukon for gettin’ me all riled up!
Re: Yay France
Oh, hey … French Toast, is most definately not a French Invention. It, in reality, was created to insult the French’s cooking. It’s slopped together “junk” as some would say, and is not half as creative as the French make their food (it’s an art over there!!). So, never compliment the French for their “French Toast”, they’ll think you may be insulting them.
How do I know this? 6th grade mini-course cooking class.