It occured to me the other day that I am far more likely to post a review of something when I adore it utterly than I am to post a review if I had mixed feelings, or merely enjoyed something, or loathed it. Therefore, so as not to make my reviews section a happy daisy field of unmixed approbation (and to provide background for a happy daisy I plan to plant there in the near future), I am reviewing a movie I saw some months hence; namely, Bullitt.

Like many people, I first heard of Bullitt because of its car chase, which my Dad said, along with a great chorus of other pundits, was the best car chase EVAR. (Okay, so my dad doesn’t say ‘evar’.) My dad had, in fact, called me in to watch said car chase several years ago. I thought it was good, but I kind of wondered who precisely Steve McQueen was chasing, et cetera. So, always eager to watch a good car chase, wonko and I Netflixed the thing.

The single most important fact to understand about Bullitt is that it was made by a director in an experimental school; mainly, a school that experimented with Extreeeeme Realism. If you think this is Extreeeemely cool, may I suggest you stop reading my review before you become Extreeeemely offended, because, based on Bullitt, I value this school approximately as much as I value the late 19th century American Literature school that espoused No Plot.

Bullitt follows stoic San Francisco cop Frank Bullitt (Steve McQueen, natch) as he is assigned to organize protection for a mob informant, which protection proves ineffectual. Bullitt then goes about unravelling the truth behind the man’s death so he can feel better about his failure. So far, so average. However, because of Extreme Realism, we get to thrill to…Frank Bullitt making coffee stoically. Frank Bullitt going to a groovy nightclub with his girl and…sitting around in groovy fuzzy focus listening to groovy tunes. Frank Bullitt comforting his girlfriend (in the other of her approximately two scenes) after she accidentally gets a look at the gory side of police work. Frank Bullitt doing paperwork (a cop in a movie doing paperwork? THAT’S UNAMERICAN!) and my PERSONAL FAVORITE, two minutes of Frank Bullitt and his colleagues waiting for a primitive fax machine to print information. May I reiterate and clarify…waiting for the fax machine. Not talking, not discussing the case, not fighting over procedure or discussing the weather…watching the fax machine. I think this was supposed to add to the tension. Instead, it added to my growing feeling that I was watching Frank Bullitt’s girlfriend’s home movies.

Don’t get me wrong…the movie had some good points. The car chase, and another, earlier car chase, were fine muscle-car action. San Francisco is a jolly place for a car chase, and these old Chargers and so forth make for exciting screeches and fishtails. However, those good points totalled approximately 13 minutes of a 113 minute movie that felt more like 213. Not to mention the fact that the car chase didn’t end up being terribly decisive, or even providing a key clue that unravelled the case, so there was a bit of a let-down when it concluded. (Also, sorry, Dad, but I can think of at least 2 car chases I’ve admired more, one of them from the same general period.)

Steve McQueen may have been a very good actor…I’ve never seen him in anything that really tested it. But the role of Bullitt called for action, a little brooding, and a lot of standing around looking blank and stony. The other actors were also competent, but did nothing so extraordinary as to redeem the film. In short, if you feel you must watch Bullitt to be able to talk about the history of car chases in cinema…just watch the car chase. It’s the only thing anyone ever really talks about anyway—and now I know why.

Bottom line: 4.5 out of 10. The car chases are worth maybe 3 points, and the decent production values and Lalo Schifrin score (sadly underused, I thought, however) give it another 1.5. Draggy, pretentious, full of ‘realistic’ scenes that did nothing but distract from the plot…perhaps with a good, ruthless editor it might have been saved. Watch the car chase, skip the movie.