Circa Season Finale, 2003

Mr. Clark Kent
24 Ubermensch Road
Smallville KS

Dear Clark;

I have been following your adventures with some interest. Recently, I sympathized with your desire not to conquer the world as allegedly destined. However, I have been increasingly dismayed at the methods you are employing to avoid that fate.

Apparently in your search for role models as “foundling farm boy with phenomenal cosmic powers is destined to conquer the world,” you have lit upon Rand al’Thor as the chap to emulate. This is the only explanation I can posit from your decision to estrange everyone you care about “so they don’t get hurt,” including the several girls wooing you, and your decision to hare off by yourself with no plan and a backpack full of angst. Besides the fact that this behavior qualifies you as a wooly-headed lummox of the first water, and thus eligible for the Clue-by-4™ (now with Kryptonite inlay) treatment, if you’ll read a bit further (I know it’s a bit heavier going than 18-page comic books) you’ll find your role model IS conquering the world with cosmic powers and iron fist. Duh, Mr. Kent.

If you must emulate someone, might I suggest drawing upon your “farm boy with special powers and heroic destiny has a ‘dead father’ who nonetheless speaks to him and urges him toward evil” archetype and get yourself a glowy sword.

Most Sincerely,
Felicity

P.S. You are not going to get hot Lana-and-Chloe action, let alone hot Lana-Chloe-and-Wonder-Woman action, so if that’s why you’re pulling a Rand, give it up.