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Image is everything

Wednesday July 02, 2003 @ 08:22 AM (UTC)

You may have noticed that I added a logo to the site—I’m not sure I’m done with it or quite happy with it, but I recently was informed (thanks, GreyStork!) that depending on your browser, the tidy little displays of alt-tags instead of images I see are replaced with horrible ugly pixelated broken-pic images!

Finding that out is kind of like finding out that you’ve been walking around with toilet paper dragging off your skirt for three weeks. So I’ll be hastening to put up images, and some of them may be stop-gap—it’s better than that little broken-pic!

Ah, to be a fangirl. Unfair as it is, “fanboy” is pejorative: most male fans don’t want to own a term associated with shrill youth, lascivious adults, myopic internet rants and over-insistent behavior
in autograph lines. “Fangirl”, on the other hand, tends to be used positively. Because of real or perceived statistical rarity, the fangirl is rare and mysterious: she escapes the contempt bred of familiarity. Thus it is, perhaps, that I have no particular shame about the fact that I am a big ol’ fangirl. Diagnostic help:

Top Ten Ways to Tell You’re a Loony Fangirl
10.
You don’t wear your Batman hat shooting because of Batman’s aversion to guns.
9. You have dreamt entire episodes of “Star Trek: The Next
Generation”.
8. You watch movies and either loudly shout or inwardly mumble, “Batgirl could kick his ass.”
7. Your high school crushes were almost all fictional
characters.
6. You own at least one piece of merchandise from a webcomic.
5. Your last three Halloween costumes were Harley Quinn, Catwoman, and Hutt Leia.
4. In high school you once wore black for 6 months — not because you were depressed,
but because all your sci-fi T-shirts are black.

3. Somewhere, you have 4 “X-Files: Fight the Future” movie posters.
Even though you didn’t really like the movie.
2. You started wanting merchandise that said “WWBD” (“What Would
Buffy Do?”) before you knew they actually make it.

And the #1 indicator that you are a loony fangirl:
1. You compare Rand al’Thor and Clark Kent in your blog.


Yes. Yes I am.

Waking Saga

Monday June 30, 2003 @ 11:47 AM (UTC)

So last night, before drifting off into sleep, I had to endure the laughing and the mocking from my husband on the topic of alarm clocks. You see, alarm clocks and I have a complex relationship. Well, maybe it’s not too complex. They try to wake me up, I try to wrap their mangled corpses around their silent circuitry.

For a long time, no alarm clock could wake me up. So my mom got me one of those old-fashioned wind-up jobs. It made a racket like a fire bell in my ear. Only problem was, being wind-up, it had no power cord to tether it near my bed, and throwing it across the room was a good way of getting the fire bell away from my ear. This started to take a toll on alarm-clock structural stability, as well as my mom’s nerves (as she would often come into my room while I was a-pitchin’.)

So then I got a radio alarm clock, with mixed results. The classical station was right out, as it just turned into dream soundtrack. After the first time Janet Reno appeared in one of my dreams nattering on about Microsoft, I decided NPR wasn’t a good idea, either. I switched to country music, but that was too annoying for the rest of the house, especially at Felicity-waking volume. I settled on annoying pop music.

The next issue was the snooze button. I am perfectly capable of slapping the snooze button ten times without waking up. So I put the clock farther away. I soon discovered that I could do amazing gymnastic feats in order to slap the button and flop back into bed without touching the ground. Finally, I took half of a cassette tape case and taped it down over the snooze button. If I wanted the clock to shut up, I’d have to commit to the switch. The tape case was open on one side. Sleepy fingers are remarkably agile. I moved to cardboard jewelery boxes. My mother walked into my room one morning to find me growling and scratching at the tape around the box and finally ripping it off and subsiding, snoozed, into the covers.

When I went to college, where Mom could no longer override the mechanical minions and shake me awake, I knew I was in trouble. I brought the trusty radio alarm clock, encrusted with scotch tape and scarred with many wounds. I bought a new alarm clock, with batteries (in case of power outage) and put it across the room. Still, my first quarter I woke up one and a half hours into my 8 am Honors Chem Final. Running down the hall in terror, I found my study partner running up the hall in terror, as her alarm systems had likewise failed. I swear to this day, I DON’T remember either going off.

I turned to the dark forces of MS Outlook, and programmed it with increasingly horrifying movie sound clips. Without fail, I would catapult out of my bed during Hudson’s last stand (“Want some of this?” budda-budda-budda alien-shreeeeeek) so as to spare my next-door neighbor the utter horror that is a wall falling on top of Ruby Rod. (The same next-door neighbor, I might add, that regularly failed to spare me her loud monkey-sex.)

With a relationship come complications, though, and one of those is that your husband may not be happy with ear-shattering noises of any form destroying his tranquil rest. So back to the clock radio, and the traditional “loud noise” approach to getting me out of bed, rather than the more effective “guilt” approach. Matt got a very spiffy clock radio, set it himself (after I made us late for class by setting it wrong about three different times), and undertook to wake me up if the clock didn’t. The only problem with this is that sometimes it didn’t wake him up, and Primal Morning Felicity would be faced with the very-spiffy two-setting alarm clock of doom. Primal Felicity did what any good primal person would do, and Matt, unawakened by the crooning of that week’s indie rock sensation, instead opened his eyes to see me on the verge of tears, pounding angrily on the little box that WOULD NOT SHUT UP!

So now the clock lives entirely on his side of the bed, and I’m not allowed to touch it. I don’t know why he mocks and laughs. It’s all perfectly rational.

I love ink. Ink is the most elemental way to write. I love the way it flows effortlessly from the pen, the way its slow creep through the fibers urges you to gather your thoughts and write on. I even love, impractical though it may seem, its wetness on the page, a sort of proof of freshness, what was new slowly drying into the indelible past.

I love the grace of a dipped pen, the trepidation lest it drip, the skill required to use it well. I love dipping into the near-black of colored ink and writing or drawing a clear bright line of color like a revelation. And tucked in my bag and scribbled over my letters, I love a fluid rollerball, a little portable fountain—uncap to unleash.

I love the laziness of cursive, swooping back to cross my t’s without lifting my pen. I love the last winking pool of black dwindling into matte darkness on vellum. I love to stain my fingers. I love the fluid eloquence of ink.

I like to do drawrings

Thursday June 26, 2003 @ 07:11 PM (UTC)

I have added a new section to the site. Over there in “Location” you shall see the “Gallery.” There will I post my scrawlings. Most of them will be roleplaying game characters, but that won’t stop you from appreciating them if they are appreciable, I hope.

There is a yet unposted picture under Z, and a very nice (if I say so myself) inked version of the character portrait of Golden under, shockingly, Golden. As yet, there is no more to see. More soon.

Stupid people should not drive.

Wednesday June 25, 2003 @ 03:05 PM (UTC)

Yesterday I was in a left turn lane (Macadam north onto Boundary west, in case you care). My carefully laid plan was to turn left (hence the lane) and immediately turn right, into one of the two gas stations I know about in quasi-downtown Portland. I was ready. I was confident. The light turned green.

Ahead of me, one car ahead of me, to be precise, a Chevy Malibu lurched up and down several times, rattling its precarious load of bicycles. Some bizarre mating ritual among the American cars? I wondered. But no. As the car started ponderously (it’s damn hard for a Malibu to move ponderously) into the intersection, I saw that it was being towed by a nylon strap - such as those used to tie down loads in truck beds - by the wee truck in front of it.

As I gawked at this sight, the light turned red and the car between me and the Malibu gunned it through, leaving me a perfect view of further hijinks. They pulled into my chosen gas station, and the strap fell off partway into the curb cut. Just as my over-active imagination was supplying scenes of carnage as the Malibu, bikes and all, rolled backwards into a busy two lane street…I realized it wasn’t happening. What? This is a slope! Where is physics?

I quickly realized that physics was with the person in the Malibu whose foot was on the brake pedal, and that probably the weight of that person and the TWO other passengers of the Malibu were in close consultation with physics when the well-laden car busted loose of its nylon tether. These two fine individuals, along with the driver of the wee pickup, proceeded to jump out and push the car to where it blocked one pump and the entrances to both avenues of pumpage. I sat aghast. The light turned green. I decided an eighth of a tank would get me home.

An open letter to Clark Kent

Tuesday June 24, 2003 @ 11:16 AM (UTC)

Circa Season Finale, 2003



Mr. Clark Kent
24 Ubermensch Road
Smallville KS

Dear Clark;

I have been following your adventures with some interest. Recently, I sympathized with your desire not to conquer the world as allegedly destined. However, I have been increasingly dismayed at the methods you are employing to avoid that fate.

Apparently in your search for role models as “foundling farm boy with phenomenal cosmic powers is destined to conquer the world,” you have lit upon Rand al’Thor as the chap to emulate. This is the only explanation I can posit from your decision to estrange everyone you care about “so they don’t get hurt,” including the several girls wooing you, and your decision to hare off by yourself with no plan and a backpack full of angst. Besides the fact that this behavior qualifies you as a wooly-headed lummox of the first water, and thus eligible for the Clue-by-4™ (now with Kryptonite inlay) treatment, if you’ll read a bit further (I know it’s a bit heavier going than 18-page comic books) you’ll find your role model IS conquering the world with cosmic powers and iron fist. Duh, Mr. Kent.

If you must emulate someone, might I suggest drawing upon your “farm boy with special powers and heroic destiny has a ‘dead father’ who nonetheless speaks to him and urges him toward evil” archetype and get yourself a glowy sword.

Most Sincerely,
Felicity

P.S. You are not going to get hot Lana-and-Chloe action, let alone hot Lana-Chloe-and-Wonder-Woman action, so if that’s why you’re pulling a Rand, give it up.

Words, words, words...

Friday June 20, 2003 @ 12:24 PM (UTC)

I was going to write about letters, writing them, receiving them, why I love them. I soon realized that the topic would be too vast; including as it does my love of paper, and of fine writing implements, and of the written word. So, a love story in installments. First, the written word.

I am writing this, before I type it, in Starbucks, in cursive, with a rollerball on a ripped piece of ruled paper. I love the layers that writing has. It is scrawls on paper, curls and lines of varying grace. It is also symbols, the twin-peaked hill of a written ‘r’ somehow equivalent to the drooping plant ‘r’ you now see on your screen - they are arbitrary shapes with common name and function. Their names encode sound, their groups encode meaning. But also, the shapes themselves can hold meaning - a lack of care in the sweeping hurried lines I am writing; anger in a deep-indented note; hesitation in a spreading spot of ink-blot.

This is magic! That I can make these motions, and, without pictures, without speech or significant looks, even anonymous, they can be understood. This is our great accomplishment, and our hope for immortality. When we’ve worn out our world’s welcome and faded away, what inhuman eyes may learn our curves and flourishes, and unlock our long-dead meanings?

Essential X-Men Volume 2

Thursday June 19, 2003 @ 02:05 PM (UTC)

Book cover

This Marvel TPB (Trade Paperback) is from before, in the immortal words of Wayne, “we got the money.” One of the first Marvel actions upon the box office success (is success a big enough word? Once more with reverb: suuuuukseeeeeess!) of Spider-Man was to hire about a dozen people to start their Trade Paperback department. Since then, while they haven’t stopped printing these “Essential” suckers, they haven’t been forthcoming with the next installment. You see, the “Essential” books are cheap. Very cheap. Reprinted old comics on newsprint in black & white cheap. But I like them. They are sweet, sweet continuity.

This particular gem is a big newsprint collation of Uncanny X-men issues #120-144. Those issues were written by Chris Claremont and illustrated by John Byrne. For those of you curious, this volume not only follows Essential X-Men Volume 1, but Essential Uncanny X-Men Volume 1. The latter volume comprises the first issues of the title, penned by Stan Lee himself. Now, I haven’t read those, but I can tell you this; they feature Cyclops, Marvel Girl (=Jean Grey), Iceman, Beast, and Angel; the heroes are younger and less experienced, though better at teamwork; and they all wear the same uniform. Very much the “Xavier’s Academy” focus. Those X-Men, along with part-time X-Men Havoc (Cyclops’s kid brother) and Polaris (Havoc’s green-haired squeeze), were mysteriously captured at some point. Cyclops managed to get free, and Professor X assembled the new X-Men at the beginning of Essential X-Men #1. These are an older, edgier, and wincingly multicultural group. They comprised Nightcrawler (German), Colossus (SOVIET Russian ooooooh!), Storm (Harlem + Egypt=whatever), Wolverine (history missing, presumed Canadian), Banshee (Irish), Sunfire (Japanese), and most wincingly of all, Thunderbird (Apache). Oh, and Cyclops (I’m not whitebread, I’m red! Well, everything’s red. My bad.)

Through stodginess (Sunfire), death (Thunderbird) and additions, we come up with the X-Men featured in this volume: Cyclops, Phoenix (=Jean Grey), Storm, Colossus, Nightcrawler, Wolverine, and either Banshee or Sprite, depending on the period. Banshee has these tragic power-negating attacks of laryngitis, ya see…well, it happens a lot to him. Eventually he gives over heroing as much inferior to settling down with his girlfriend. As for Sprite (Kitty Pryde, later "Shadowcat"), she’s a teenager added partway through. She has one of THE most cool powers ever to grace a comic book (phasing through solids, walking on gases/liquids), and, while the outdated writing is most winceworthy in her case, being a teen (Golly gee! Neat!), she’s still a very cool character.



Anyway, enough with that, on to the opinions! This volume contains some of the all-time classic X-Men storylines, including the Dark Phoenix saga, and my personal favorite, “Days of Future Past”. Both of these stories are epic and moving (at least to me). You shouldn’t have much trouble figuring out where you stand, because at the time extensive recaps and internal monologue explaining everybody’s powers was par for the course.

I don’t want to make it sound like I’m trashing the writing, here. Some people probably have trouble with this style – very word-heavy, paragraph-heavy even, and not very conversational at times. (“Malefic destiny”? Dude, Scott, it was cheesy when the narrator said it, so you had to pick it out of the ether?) I admit if you have a headache it’s not the comic book to head for. But the plot is engaging, the action is quick, and the intense verbiage can be thought of as opera arias – certainly not realistic, but an important part of the art form.

The characters are well-defined but not shallow – each of them has problems and quirks that play into non-fight interaction, as well as the personality and style that is obvious in fights. Storm is claustrophobic, still grieving for her parents, and really alien to mainstream American culture; as well as being “dignified and moral.” Colossus misses his family and farming, thinks it would be wrong to act on his and Kitty’s mutual attraction (she’s 14 or so, he’s 17), and questions why he’s a hero and whether it’s disloyal to the USSR to be an X-Man; as well as being “stalwart and kind.” You get to know these characters very quickly – there’s not much subtlety at play – but you can’t help but care about them.

The art is really great. Of course it’s dated, and some people’s costumes (especially the bit players – Havoc and Polaris need a re-draw STAT) are just a bit weird, but Byrne draws action-packed fights that are easy to understand; clear, realistic emotions; and well-proportioned human figures (leaving aside the comic-book pretty-people issue – I mean that their eyes, heads, legs, always look comfortable and graceful, and in the right place. Don’t scoff, I’ve seen some really gifted comic book artists put eyes too high or forearms too short.) My only real beef is that a lot of the white girls look the same. Jean Grey is “pretty white girl with medium-length curly red hair.” Amanda Sefton is “pretty white girl with medium-length wavy blonde hair” et cetera. That, frankly, is still common (Ultimate Spider-Man, I’m looking at you!), and at least these are quite pretty.

In short? If you hate four-color superheroes…why are you reading this? If you can take a bit of camp and still care about the characters, this is a great thing to pick up. It has great characters, twisted plots, pretty pictures, the occasional funny, and, I’ll admit it, the first time I read it I cried at least twice. (“Once upon a time, there was a woman named Jean Grey, a man named Scott Summers. They were young. They were in love. They were heroes.” I get misty just typing that.) Time travel, gods, alien empires, love, betrayal, racism, pinball, roller skates, disco, and sweet sweet continuity. Can’t beat that for $14.95.

Golden

Wednesday June 18, 2003 @ 10:14 AM (UTC)

Here’s another Exalted character story. I was going to make you guess who her personality is based on, but Matt let the cat out of the bag with the two people I would have thought might guess, so I’ll just tell you that she’s based on Faith from Buffy. I tend to play squeeky-clean characters, so I thought playing someone with a more troublesome emotional makeup (can you say “anger management”?) might be fun. She’s supposed to be around where Faith was emotionally when she first appeared. The story, though, is all her own.

Warning: This story is very plot- and character-driven. I really didn’t take much care over my prose, and it’s much more foul-mouthed than I’m really comfortable with. But it got her where I want her to go, so I’m happy.

I will post a picture after I’ve had some quality time with my scanner.


Golden

“I’ve been telling you for seven years, Cira, you take plenty of my money,but this place is still a dungheap! What do you spend it on?”

Golden’s mother quivered dumbly in response.

“By the Dragons, woman! If you’d fight back, maybe I’d keep you! But if I wanted a wench without a spine, I’d court a sea-jelly! I’m going to Great Forks!”

Golden’s mother flickered, “When will you be back, Raden?”

“To Nexus? Two months! To you? Never!” His fine face ruddy with anger, he slammed the thin door.

Golden went over to her mother, as usual, and slipped her little hand within her work-chapped one. She didn’t bother saying anything, it wouldn’t stop her blubbering. She wished she could go with Papa, guard the caravans, see other places. But all he could feel was his contempt for her mother. Maybe, Golden thought, he had other wives, other children. The caravans plied many roads. Maybe one more or less made no difference. She stared at her weak, whimpering mother with distaste. “You’re like a dog,” she whispered, and smirked when her mother didn’t hear.

Her name was Golden. Golden Hope, probably, as her mother had wistfully wished for her baby-blonde hair to last, so she’d be a fine fair beauty like her father. Already, most of her hair was brown, and so her name had dwindled. Her mother couldn’t believe her father was really gone, kept mentioning his caravan, and being sure he’d be back this week. When the last of his wages had been spent, though, she was forced to make shift, and realized taking in laundry would no longer feed and clothe a woman and a growing, healthy child.

So she became a courier, carrying shipments for the Guild. When she had completed her second run, she got a bonus! It was a fine, sky-blue powder with a small glass pipe. She did not know its name. By her fourth run, she was asking for half her fee in this drug. This was, of course, the idea. The drug in question came from an obscure little town — the Guild controlled all production, and they never told their employees what the Bonus was. Golden’s mother was a good example of the result — a fanatically loyal woman, willing to give her life to keep in her supplier’s good graces, clamoring for more work, and aching to be paid in drugs they got cheap wholesale.

Golden was turning 8. Her mother was acting strangely. There were times when she no longer seemed small and frightened. Then, she was loud and full of laughter, and wanted to dance and play the games Golden was growingout of. However, most of the time, in between jobs, she spent the little money she had on cheap wine, trying to drink the cravings away until the next call came. She dwindled back into the corners of her life, yearning and morose. Golden raised herself, with help from the streets of Nexus.

When Golden was 12, her mother brought home a man. His name was Jife, and like her mother, his eyes were bloodshot from blue smoke, and his hands soft from lack of work. Together, they discussed the Bonus, what it might be, where they could get it, how it felt when it held you. Soon, the man did not go home, but lived with Golden’s mother. Golden thought he was pathetic. They both were.

There were several gangs in the area. “Youth Entrepeneurial Societies,” they were sometimes called. The most powerful was a group of teenagers called the Fire Cats. Golden had watched them for a while, and especially their leader, a brown-skinned, flame-haired boy named Summer Lion. He was about 16, but strong and charming, so that even those Cats who outnumbered his years were bound to him by love and friendship. There were no girls in the Fire Cats.

Money was running short for Jife and Cira. It always did. One day, Jife looked blearily at Golden, now 13. She was sitting on a creaking table, mending a rip in her pants. Jife had an idea. “Cira!” He wandered into the second room of the small house. “Cira!” he said, his eyes focusing on her finally. “Your daughter…she’s yours, right? The brat?”

“M sleeping, goway.”

“No, Cira…I know a guy! He’ll give us maybe 50 jade for a girl!”

“Jade?” Cira started to wake up, “What’re we talking about?” she squinted.

“Your brat, honey, she’s well named! We can sell her to the panderers…”

Cira blinked. Something was wrong with this idea. “Umm…” she tried, “But what if she doesn’t want to?”

“Pff, a girl that age doesn’t know what she wants. It’ll be good for her to learn a trade.”

“I dunno…you ask her.” Cira buried her face in her pillow again.

Jife turned happily back to the front room, but Golden was gone. Not unusual, but he felt a vague discomfort. Maybe he’d been talking loud. Maybe he should have closed the curtain. Huh.

Golden stood in the middle of the Fire Cats turf, where she usually saw them. It was a burned-out building, a few spectral timbers still rising from the ground in the pile of bricks and broken tiles. “Hey! Lion!” She only called once, and then she waited. It was about ten minutes before he came, sauntering out of a nearby wine-shop, a talkative large Cat and a tiny, silent one in tow.

He walked up to her, and nodded. “You called?”

“Yeah. I’m Golden. I wanna join.”

Tom, the large Cat, laughed, “Y’gotta piss standin’ up to be in our Entrepeneurial Club. S’in the bylaws. We marks our territory.”

“Think I can manage. If you can shit with your mouth like that, anythin’s possible.”

Summer Lion laughed, and the small one, Lynx, sat down to trace patterns in the dirt with his knife. “Trashed you, Tom,” the leader noted.

“Yeah,” Tom said, unsure of where this was going, but smarting.

“There are no bylaws, Tom.” Tom sulked, “and she’s a scrappy little thing. Kinda cute.” Golden watched with interest. “Maybe I wanna let her in.”

“A girl! Lion!”

“I didn’t say for sure. Maybe she’s good in a fight,” Lion touched Golden’s wiry shoulder, “an’ then I don’t see the problem.”

Now Tom understood, and he cracked his huge fingers. “Bet she folds,” he said, as if that would spoil all his fun.

“I don’t fold.” Golden said.

It was a hard fight, at first. Tom’s pop was a boxer, and he swung hard. But Golden was small, sober, and scared. She needed to win. She dodged him, managed to take his shots without bones breaking, evaded, survived. “You aren’t winning,” Lion said, almost gently, from the sidelines, as Golden picked herself up off the brick piles and circled again.

The very gentleness in his voice inflamed her. Letting her down easy? Suddenly, she wasn’t scared anymore. She was angry. Her fucking father just sired her and left her, like a horse in a stable! That stupid Jife thought he could just dispose of her like furniture, sell her to a friend. And worst of all, her useless, dishrag, junkie, streaked-out mother. Her own mother didn’t remember her, and would sign her over to a pimp for a case of wine she’d drink through in a week! And now this pretty-boy ganger and his flunkies thought she wasn’t a good bet? Her anger rose in her like a flush, like floodwaters of blood. She felt herself boil and crackle under her skin. She was powerful. She growled, and threw herself at Tom, fist first. She saw his fear before she hit.

Tom never really forgave her for his nose. But that didn’t matter — Tom was an ass, anyway, and after that day, he wasn’t the toughest Cat. Golden Tiger was. She was vicious and strong beyond her small frame, and she seemed to take a savage joy in fighting that the other Cats respected and almost feared. Besides, she was Summer Lion’s girl. No one would mess with Tiger while Lion stood behind her, and no one would challenge Lion while Tiger was on the prowl.

Jife they dealt with as soon as Golden joined up. When his face was bruised and swollen past recognition — and even past seeing — they deposited him, groaning and whimpering, in the Docks district. “I’ll be surprised if we see him again,” Lion smiled like a flash of sunshine, and they strolled back to their own turf.

They were good years. Merchants paid them protection money — not to refrain from using their muscle against the store, but to use their muscle and influence to keep the bands of younger cutpurses and sticky-fingers clear of them. A few notable bands of youngsters were hard to intimidate or catch, so a small cut of the protection money would appease them and bring stability to their scavenging life. They hustled other street gangs for turf — it was amazing how much they would wager on a fight between their own hulking champion and the little girl with the the gold-streaked hair. Eventually her reputation grew, but by then they had as much turf as they could hold, and ran several of the local kid-tribes on the side. She didn’t go home at night — she and Summer Lion slept at inns and taverns, or napped in the sun during the day.

She never went home to sleep, but occasionally she would stop by and stare at the hut, or leave a little food, break a few wine bottles. Jife hadn’t come back, and her mother lived her frantic, unhappy time by herself. She didn’t want the other Cats to know about her visits, and so one day when Dodge, a sneak-thief in one of the Cats’ junior tribes, announced Golden’s mom was going crazy, she feigned indifference. “Yeah, what. Old lady’s always crazy when she tokes.”

“All I know’s Old Man Bastion says she’s foamin’ at the mouth like a mad dog.” Dodge shrugged incuriously.

Lion glanced at Golden and drawled, “G’won, Golden. Don’t want the hag tearing up our neighborhood.”

Golden shrugged, shot him a grateful look, and sauntered off. As soon as she reached the corner she broke into a run.

Her mother was indeed foaming at the mouth, but there was no chance of her tearing up anything. She was lying half-in, half-out of her dilapidated residence, quaking softly and staring at the sky with vast-pupilled eyes.

“Mom…” Golden said softly, and half-lifted her. In response, Cira spasmed slightly, but did not focus, or speak. “Mom!” Golden said gruffly, loudly, but nothing changed. Still blindly, the weight in her arms shook her head, with growing insistence. A husky growling hum oscillated with her movements. Golden held her mother’s narrow wrist and felt the pulse skipping and dancing wildly within. “Blood and sun-rot, Mama! Be strong for once, you mewling bitch!” she shrieked, trying to curse away her tears.

Cira smiled enigmatically and lapsed into limp rest. The waltzing blood coasted to a halt. The black circled eyes rolled back. Golden dropped her and stood up, blind herself with rage, fear, and sorrow. “What the fuck did you do this time, Mom?” She punched the wall, and looked inside the front room of the hut.

An iron-bound chest sat on the rushes of the floor. It was a type she’d seen before, the small ones her mother carried for the Guild. The wax seal was broken, and the contents were scattered around the box — small, open vials with painstakingly inked labels. Powders of various colors, granular or soft, dry leaves and berries untouched in their little jars. A fine layer of powder overlaid everything with gray, white, pink, blue, yellow. Golden covered her mouth and stepped back. “Just had to know what your poison was, huh,” she muttered. She fished a kerchief out of her pockets and tied it over her mouth. Grimly, she put every vial back in the chest and closed it. Then she carried it to the river and threw it in.


The Cats were skittish. Talking was right out — Golden Tiger flattened anyone who dared a quip or even a greeting, and Summer Lion freely admitted that while they’d been together every night since it happened, no talking had been on the menu.

Two weeks passed. Golden was starting to come out of it, and she strutted back to the hangout, trying not to look as ashamed as she felt. The latest hangout was an old hotel, built too near the flats with not enough foundation. She had to duck to enter the wide round-top casements, partially silted up. As she blinked in the dimness, she realized something was wrong. Usually, there would be at least half a dozen Cats here, drinking, gambling, or just funning around. The stillness was…she felt an air movement behind her and dodged too late. She was thrown to the ground as someone’s boots hit her back, and before she could get up, she felt a garrotte slither around her neck.

She managed to get her fingers under the garrotte before it tightened. It was metal, and it bit sharply into her fingers as well as her neck. She felt the skin give, and blood greased the wire’s groove. She saw a pair of feet, overlain by pulsing stars. There were two of them.

She shot herself off the silty floor with her free arm, and heard the strangler grunt as her head hit him in the chest. She got her feet under her, but he didn’t lose his grip. Now she could see the other man. He was dressed in drab street clothes, unconvincingly ripped. He was pulling a very expensive knife. The garrotte was tightening. Her eyes seemed tight in her head, like they would pop any moment from the pressure. The knife man was being blotted out by stars. She was not going to get out of this. They were going to kill her and dump her in the river like her mother’s drugs. They — they had something to do with the gang. That’s why the hideout was empty. Those fucking termites! They’d sworn blood brotherhood, the little shit bugs! She and Lion had swapped more than blood! The little — she felt her anger mounting again, circulating through her the way her blood could not. Her bloody fingers slipped on the wire, but she pressed anyway, and got a grip. A little rational part of her wondered if that grip was the wire on her bones, but the rest didn’t care. She roared, and pushed, and let the hot anger flow into her arm. The wire broke with a resounding twang, and she opened her eyes to see Knife’s face acquire a dazed patina of fear. Strangler still had one arm around her collarbone. She grabbed it, jump-kicked Knife in the head with both feet, and cranked Strangler’s arm on the way down. He screamed. It all seemed so easy. She almost laughed that she’d let them fight her. She swung Strangler by his limp and cracking arm, and bowled Knife over with him. Knife’s head intersected a standing wall with a wet crunching sound, and Strangler shakingly got to his feet and ran trembling and sobbing from the building. She turned to watch him go, and caught her reflection in a broken pane of glass, clothed in a coruscating nimbus of light. She paused to consider it.

As she’d guessed, the people in this part of Nexus were much more inclined to duck for cover than run for rope when they saw an Anathema stalking down the street. And when one had her hand around his throat, the average street tough was quite willing to say whether he’d seen Summer Lion.

Summer Lion was down by the docks, alone. He didn’t hear Golden coming until she was right behind him. She lifted him by the back of his jacket and punched him in the face. “Hi, Honey!” She hefted him across the wharf, and he clutched at a piling to avoid going over into the filthy water. “Why’d you do it, Lion?” she asked conversationally, lifting him back up.

“Tired of gangs, wanted to start a shop…”

“Without me? Well, y’know, baby, you aren’t any great shakes. If you’d just asked me to go, I wouldn’t have cried, and you’d stay pretty.”

Lion flinched, “Nah, Tiger, you don’t get it…they gave me money, to start my shop…if I’d set you up…” he gurgled.

“Really?” She searched him deftly with her free hand and came up with a heavy purse. “Whaddaya know. I think you didn’t perform to their satisfaction, so I’ll just take this.” She looped the purse into her belt. “Who were they, Summer Boy?”

“Didn’t say. Lemme go, Tig—”

“Don’t want to. You’re my boy, remember? I’m gonna love you and squeeze you. Problem is, I don’t know my own strength anymore, and your throat might not take much more squeezing.”

“Nrrgh — okay! They didn’t say, but I saw Guild chits in their purses.”“Good boy,” Golden said, and dropped him. He started to slither backwards, but Golden stopped him with a booted foot. “Not done yet. You’re still pretty.” She drew the assassin’s knife slowly and laughed at the fear in his eyes.

It wasn’t as bad as he’d feared. She left him with a broken nose, two shallow cuts on his cheeks, and some bruises. She turned to go, then turned back. “Oh, and honey?” she kicked him in the groin as he lay on the wharf, “I want to see other people.”

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