I am…how you say…zee confused.

Obviously, my dear, you never pay attention to women’s feet. You know how people have this distressing tendency to wear flip-flops all summer long these days? You’d think this would no longer be the case when they can see their breath. But you’d be wrong.

Don’t get me started. My own husband is an offender. There are freaks in this town who wear SANDALS WITH SOCKS throughout the year. I slap my forehead with the heel of my hand. doh!

But flip-flops are comfortable. And what does breath have to do with feet? You’re trying to trick me, aren’t you?

Well, you see, TOES are small extremities attached to our feet, which help propel us as we walk. Due to their size, they cannot maintain a comfortable temperature by gigantothermy, and can easily be robbed of warmth by a chill breeze or a sprinkle of rain. That’s part 1 of this mystery.

Part 2 involves the tilted axis upon which our planet rotates, leaving us plunged in slight dimness for certain parts of the year! During these months, it is COLDER outside. One might describe this in a more interesting manner by observing that one’s warm, moisture-laden breath makes fog as it exits one’s mouth. Therefore, when one can see one’s breath, it is COLD!

When it is COLD, one’s toes can become uncomfortably chillsome!

THEREFORE, we come to the stunning conclusion that a rational human being would insulate her feet when it’s cold out, using the expedient of CLOSED-TOED SHOES. And furthermore, I’ve had to explain my entire joke, thus ruining it. Taran of Caer Dallben, I’m not speaking to you again!

Hey! There is NOTHING wrong with wearing sandals and socks together. Especially if they’re nice heavy wooly socks. Nothing wrong at all.

Of course, you do take the risk of getting your feet somewhat wet should you walk in a puddle or something, but that goes with the whole “wearing sandals” territory.

This particular assistant pig-keeper finds it quite natural to keep one’s toes free up to the fall of snow, and only to limit their particular liberties then because it really is a pain to get snow out from between foot and sandal.

Don’t tell me you’re against freedom, silly bauble-toting princess!

You and my dad. Why are you so down on having your foot-digits free to feel the air?

Leaving aside that it is a fashion faux pas of the first order, if it’s cold enough that you need to wear socks, especially in the PacNW, this greatly increases the likelihood of one encountering a puddle. Don’t you have enough to worry about without the possibility of Wet Soggy Foot?

10:45 AM: Observed male of the species entering office wearing shorts, flip flops, AND A LEATHER JACKET. Checked calendar. Yes, autumn. Hmmm. Averted eyes during interaction.

Is it bad that I have more enthusiasm and verbiage on this topic than I do on, say, Harriet Miers?

Color me against freedom. I don’t want to have to look at other people’s toes unless it’s above 65 degrees Fahrenheit. If one’s toes are not feeling “free” inside close-toed shoes, I’m concerned that they may be wearing uncomfortable and/or ill-fitting shoes. I’m in close-toed shoes right now. My toes go up, my toes go down, my toes dance all around. They are happy toes. And they’re warm and dry. AND NO ONE CAN SEE THE HAIR ON THEM!!!

No kidding! I wear flip flops ALL the time! (Except when it’s snowing… shakes fist at the Indiana sky)

Speaking of – here is a funny from one of my classes (this is at a top tier law school):

Professor: So, does anyone have any opinions on the new Supreme Court nominee?
Class (minus 1): silence
1 Blonde Student: Ummmm, she’s not very pretty.

HA!

That’s terrible! That’s just like how every time one discusses Condoleeza Rice, someone says how ugly she is. (and then a bunch of guys have to show their gallantry by saying they’d “do her”. I’m sure she’s touched and, in between buying expensive shoes, playing the piano, and swaying world politics, she’s really heartened to know that some guys on the internet are willing to have sex with her.)

In the interests of parity, I hereby mention that John Roberts looks like a goldfish. :D

Let it be known that I, unlike my sister, do not propose to infringe your rights to freeze your toes off. I merely reserve my OWN right to point and laugh.

And occasionally point out the radical new concept of closed-toed shoes.

Indeed, and next you’ll ask us to ignore the icon indicating that this posting was sponsored by your employer.

Novel, Novel.

I assure you, my employer profits in any case.

Sheesh! I’d hate to say what the Internets would say about my mug. Condie and John Roberts are both perfectly good-looking. John in partic.