http://faerye.net/tag/sarcasmPosts tagged with "sarcasm" - Faerye Net2005-10-10T14:13:13+00:00Felicity Shouldershttp://faerye.net/http://faerye.net/post/breaking-footwear-newsBreaking Footwear News!2005-10-10T14:13:13+00:002008-08-07T11:46:37+00:00<p><b><p>By Prudence Bonhomme, staff reporter</p>
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<p>Footwear scientists have discovered an incredible concept: fabric or animal hide can be stretched from one side of the sole to the other, thus enclosing the toes and protecting them from low temperatures and precipitation. “We’re very proud,” said Dr. Wyonna Pickle, Professor of Footwear Studies at Big Important Science University. “Too long, humans have wandered the earth with only a sole attached to their feet by a few straps. This revolutionary invention, which we are calling ‘the closed toe’, insulates the toes from cold, shelters them from precipitation, and protects against stubbing. It’s a remarkable design breakthrough.”</p>
<p>Graduate students modeled several of the new ‘closed toe’ designs at the press conference, and it’s evident that many shapes and styles are possible. “Eet’s practical, but eet can be boatiful, also. Zee toe, she is <em>érotique</em>. Vee hide her, vee enhance zee <em>mystère</em>.” said Yvonne von Geterre, a prominent shoe designer, “I ’ope to ’ave a <em>Toe Closed</em> collection on zee runway by zee ’Olidays.”</p>
<p>“It’s wonderful to see how the fashion community is embracing the change,” said gratified scientist Dr. Pickle. “I just hope that early adoption by Paris won’t mean that closed toes are stigmatized as an expensive luxury. Everyone should be able to afford an enclosed shoe. That’s my dream.”</p>
<p>As we survey the streets of a temperate suburb this brisk October morning, and see the bare toes picking their way among the puddles and avoiding the slugs, Dr. Pickle’s dream seems remote indeed.</p>