The Roulette Wheel of Death and Rebirth

2004-03-18T14:07:43+00:00

Some of you may know – in fact, many people who have a minimal or marginal interest in comic books know – that Jean Grey (aka Marvel Girl, aka Phoenix, aka The first X-Woman) dies all the freakin’ time. So much so that I have it on good authority that the following exchange actually occured in X-Men continuity at a recent Jean Grey funeral:
Emma Frost (reformed villainess and X-Man): snicker
Scott “Cyclops” Summers: Goddammit Emma! It’s not funny!
Emma: Yes it is, Scott, and you know it.

If my source didn’t invent that passage through wishful thinking, then Marvel knows damn well that Jean Grey’s tragic deaths are as predictable as the tragic deaths of any number of Captain Kirk girlfriends. Why do they keep doing it? Why? I think I have the answer.

Last night I was perusing the polychromatic pages of the periodical (okay, I’ll stop now) Batman/Superman. Er, Superman/Batman. Whatever, this is why they have a logo, not a title. And the last frame of this comic book, after several frames of people talkin’ Kryptonian (yeah, Kryptonian. It’s kindee funny-lookin’.) shows Superman telling Batman as he gives the blonde girl he’s been talking to his cape to wear, “This is Kara Zor-El, my cousin from Krypton.” At this point, my head broke.

You see, DC has had this here “Cousin from Krypton” angle before. She was the original Supergirl. Or the second one. Or something. Before Supergirl was an angel, or an alien-human hybrid, or an angel-human hybrid, or a shapeshifting girlfriend of Lex Luthor’s…umm, okay, I’m already confused. I don’t read Superman, and I don’t understand Supergirl history. But I do know she’s been reinvented so many times that even I, who, as I said, do not read Superman titles have seen at least one Supergirl debut â€” she was supposed to be Lois and Clark’s daughter from the future. So do you start to see what I’m saying here?

A long long time ago, someone at DC and someone at Marvel made a bet that he (Marvel) could kill Jean Grey (Marvel Girl) more often than he (DC) could reinvent Supergirl. It all makes sense! At the time, it was a lark! Now, so many Jean Greys stenciled on that Marvel guy’s desk, a dartboard of Supergirl concepts mounted on the DC office wall, it’s a grim battle, each comics titan straining against the other to control the cheesiness of the superheroine ethos. This week some poor schmo at Marvel, with “counterintelligence” scrawled on his cubicle tag, read Batman/Superman and groaned. “Guys? Do you have the next Jean Grey death ready? I mean, have you got her alive again and ready to go? Those wily bastards have hidden it in this Batman/Superman thing – I know, a Bat-title! Sneaky! But “cousin from Krypton” only has one meaning…”

Or, you know, maybe it sells comics.

Top Ten Reasons Bat Boys Bag the Babes

2003-06-05T11:29:41+00:00

Nah, I don’t mean the Bat-Boy of Weekly World News Fame. I mean two of the DC Universe’s finest: Nightwing and Robin.

Nightwing, AKA Dick Grayson, used to be Robin. Tim Drake is the current Robin. I, as a ravening Gotham fan-girl, have noticed that these two fellows are absolute girl magnets. As for Jason Todd, the second Robin, well, death really keeps the ladies at bay.

Let me paint you a picture. Nightwing was engaged to Starfire (an alien on the Titans), has had flirtations with his apartment manager in Blüdhaven, and dated the Huntress (why?). He is currently dating Oracle, former Batgirl and current operator/decker of the Gotham world. He is so attractive to women that Oracle starts getting snippy with him when she hears there is a new female vigilante in town — she is already sure the new girl will go after him. Heck, even Dick knows it — he was really nervous when his partner at his day job (policeman) asked him over for dinner, because he thought she was coming on to him! (Of course, blushes all around when he meets the hubby and small ones.) I don’t even know what he got up to as Robin — although in “Robin: Year One”, the girls come a-crushin’ on his first day in school.

As for Tim Drake, the incumbent Boy Wonder, he’s dating the Spoiler, a rather inept but charming Gotham vigilante. She set her hood for him while he was still dating his civvie girlfriend, Arianna. One of Tim’s Young Justice teammates, Secret, was so jealous of Spoiler she nearly killed her. And as for the other ones, well, Wonder Girl can maintain her crush on Superboy all she wants, but she (she of the superpowers and major hero lineage!) uses Robin as an example of what a hero should be, and there’s been some platonic hugging of late. As for minor flirtations, there’ve been a few. Spoiler has put her burgeoning detective skills to use in the cause of jealousy on a couple of occasions.

So, why? Why the bat-boys? The pixie boots can’t be the answer, and the short-shorts are long gone. Why are these powerless do-gooders the heartthrobs of the DC Universe? Read on if you dare.

Top Ten Reasons Bat Boys Bag the Babes

10. They’re cute. Might as well get this out of the way. They’re ripped. They have the classic comic book strong jaw, black glossy hair, and startling blue eyes. Like Batman (and Superman, but let’s remember who was there first!)

9. They have no powers. That may sound a little weird, but think about it. They save the world with superteams full of people shooting energy beams and using “tactile telekinesis”. Your average villain is not going to go for the puny human tactician first. Safety of your boyfriend is a good thing.

8. They’re urbane and well-travelled. They charge all over the world, saving it from evil! No, really. Paris, the Himalayas, the Caribbean — they have it covered. Just think of the stories! “So then we’re hovering in mid-air from the Cobra-issue jet-boots, with a thousand-foot drop below and one hundred pygmy yeti charging hungrily in from one side!”

7. They’re witty. Despite Batman’s example and injunctions, they can’t stop mocking the mooks. They’re quick with the pun and the rejoinder.

6. They have that “bad boy” charm. The dark clothes, beating people up in alleyways, zooming around on motorbikes and hot cars in violation of multiple traffic laws…they have the “bad boy” charm…but at the same time, they’re more lawful good than a squeeky clean Boy Scout (All Boy Scouts are arsonists deep inside!)

5. They’re heroes, duh! Besides the cool-factor, if the city is racked by cataclysmic earthquake, if armed gunmen hold up your workplace, they will save you! It’s dreeeeeeeamy!

4. They have mad skillz. They can pick locks, crack computer security, climb just about anything, speak several languages, convince suicidal people not to jump, outwit supervillains, and drive alien motor vehicles. Not only is that pretty nifty, but it’s great to have something to fall back on — you know, if heroing becomes lame, and your vast pots of money evaporate.

3. They are used to female authority! Couldn’t resist putting that in. Oracle says “Jump!” and they ask “Straight up, or off the building?” Great training for the future.

2. If they stand you up, you know the reason. And it’s a good one. They’re saving the world! Or people’s lives! You can even get a vicarious sense of heroism by not complaining. Or is that martyrdom?

And the #1 Reason Bat Boys Bag the Babes is…

1. Trained by the World’s Greatest Detective! Need I say more?

Posts tagged with "dc" - Faerye Net

The Roulette Wheel of Death and Rebirth

Top Ten Reasons Bat Boys Bag the Babes