http://faerye.net/tag/sarcasm Posts tagged with "sarcasm" - Faerye Net 2005-10-10T14:13:13+00:00 Felicity Shoulders http://faerye.net/ http://faerye.net/post/breaking-footwear-news Breaking Footwear News! 2005-10-10T14:13:13+00:00 2008-08-07T11:46:37+00:00 <p><b><p>By Prudence Bonhomme, staff reporter</p> <p></p></b></p> <p>Footwear scientists have discovered an incredible concept: fabric or animal hide can be stretched from one side of the sole to the other, thus enclosing the toes and protecting them from low temperatures and precipitation. &#8220;We&#8217;re very proud,&#8221; said Dr. Wyonna Pickle, Professor of Footwear Studies at Big Important Science University. &#8220;Too long, humans have wandered the earth with only a sole attached to their feet by a few straps. This revolutionary invention, which we are calling &#8216;the closed toe&#8217;, insulates the toes from cold, shelters them from precipitation, and protects against stubbing. It&#8217;s a remarkable design breakthrough.&#8221;</p> <p>Graduate students modeled several of the new &#8216;closed toe&#8217; designs at the press conference, and it&#8217;s evident that many shapes and styles are possible. &#8220;Eet&#8217;s practical, but eet can be boatiful, also. Zee toe, she is <em>&eacute;rotique</em>. Vee hide her, vee enhance zee <em>myst&egrave;re</em>.&#8221; said Yvonne von Geterre, a prominent shoe designer, &#8220;I &#8217;ope to &#8217;ave a <em>Toe Closed</em> collection on zee runway by zee &#8217;Olidays.&#8221;</p> <p>&#8220;It&#8217;s wonderful to see how the fashion community is embracing the change,&#8221; said gratified scientist Dr. Pickle. &#8220;I just hope that early adoption by Paris won&#8217;t mean that closed toes are stigmatized as an expensive luxury. Everyone should be able to afford an enclosed shoe. That&#8217;s my dream.&#8221;</p> <p>As we survey the streets of a temperate suburb this brisk October morning, and see the bare toes picking their way among the puddles and avoiding the slugs, Dr. Pickle&#8217;s dream seems remote indeed.</p>